The Dead Hand of Jim Bell...

No, Jim Bell isn't really dead; at least, not so far as I know. But his Frankenstein monster, Red Bell Brewing, continues to haunt Philadelphia brewing. Witness this misreasoned claptrap from the usually eruditer-than-this Joseph DiStefano, titled Beer Will Save America! Funny. DiStefano is bringing up the proposal by Senators John Kerry (D-Mass.), Mike Crapo (R-Idaho), Ron Wyden (D-Ore.), and Susan Collins (R-Maine) to lower the federal tax on craft beer. Kerry says it will create jobs (it will), Jim Koch of Boston Beer points out that craft brewing is one of the few success stories in the recession (it sure as hell is), and the Wall Street Journal says the tax cut will help the craft brewing industry (well, duh).

But DiStefano says "We've been this way before." He opens up the Scary Closet and brings out the shaggy boogiemen of Red Bell and Independence (and not even the right Independence, you big dope; that link goes to the closed brewpub) as being "among the many beermakers backed by the taxpayer-subsidized U.S. Small Business Administration in the late 1990s; both also sold shares to the general public; both are among the many investor- and taxpayer-subsidized brands that flopped."

Well, imagine that: there are businesses that sold stock and went under. That couldn't have anything to do with how the Inquirer sucked up to Jim Bell and printed any damned bullshit he sent them, could it? As far as that goes, "investor-subsidized"? What the hell's that? The shareholders made an investment, they took a risk. If they'd gotten bailed out, that would have been a subsidy. But small brewers don't get bailed out, they just close.

But the main point? This isn't even a subsidy! The Feds raised the beer tax back in 1991, the senators want to roll that back -- like every other part of the 1991 tax increase, like the luxury tax on yachts that somehow got repealed... -- they're not going to SPEND money on this 'stimulus package,' the brewers are going to do that. 

Then he gets silly: "What's the big deal with small-batch beers? Yes, they probably taste better. Yes, they're definitely winning market share from Bud and Miller and Coors over the years. So much that the giants have been closing and consolidating plants and selling out to foreign owners."

Okay, no. Much as this thought leads beer geeks to turn off the lights and fondle themselves in front of the gently glowing screen of a computer locked on ratebeer.com, it's simply not true. The "small-batch beers" just are not selling enough to have caused the "selling out to foreign owners." The big guys have been consolidating to save costs and boost market share, and right now it's the foreigners turn to buy. It's got nothing to do with craft beer, which is still under 5% of the market. You want to point a finger, point it at Corona and Heineken, which have taken three times the share away from the big brewers. So DiStefano is either ignorant, or misleading you. Take your pick.

It's the conclusion that's the kicker, though: "But does that really add up to more and better jobs that merit public subsidies?" Well, yes, it does add up to more jobs. Period. Give craft brewers a tax break, and I guarantee, they will SPEND that money on new hires, on better benefits for the workers they do have, on solid industrial equipment, on advertising and promotions. They won't squirrel it away in a tax break somewhere, or send it overseas. Which, I would think, would be a GREAT way to get an effective stimulus activity out of...wait, that's right, it's NOT a public subsidy! That would be if the government GAVE THEM MONEY. But we're not even talking about giving them money, we're just talking about TAKING LESS AWAY FROM THEM.

Am I wrong? Is it really a "public subsidy" when you cut back on an excise tax that shouldn't even be there in the first place? Or is this just one more example of how the brewing industry (and the spirits and wine biz) is treated unfairly because everyone is scared to death of alcohol? I'll tell you what, Mister DiStefano, I would much rather see taxes ratcheted back on a growing, thriving production industry than see government funds given to the banking industry. How about that, fella?

Thanksgiving, Wine, Beer, the Menu, the Family...the Redux

This piece I did last year pretty much covers everything I have to say about drinking on Thanksgiving. I don't see much point in re-writing it just to have something new.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone: there's room for every drink at your table -- beer, wine, spirits, cider, even mead -- and room for every friendly heart. Cheers!

At Least They Spelled My Name Right

I was driving down to Philly this morning, headed for the Grey Lodge to host my wheat beer breakfast event, when I heard a Philly Beer Week report on KYW misquote the Philly Beer Week slogan as "America's Best Drinking City" and refer to Joe Sixpack as "Don Nichols." I did not drive off the road, but I did groan.

So I was able to take this bullshit in stride, an AP story that hit the Houston Chronicle this morning:

Drunk by noon? Perfectly acceptable in Philly

In many places, drinking before noon is something to hide. Not in Philadelphia. The second annual Philly Beer Week has eight scheduled beer-drinking events before noon on Saturday.
For example, an event called "Lew Bryson's Wheat Beer Breakfast of Champions" begins at 9 a.m. Saturday at a tavern in Philadelphia's Tacony neighborhood. Later in the morning, there's an event called "Kegs and Eggs" at an Irish pub in the Old City historic district.
Philadelphia Mayor Michael Nutter used a ceremonial mallet dubbed the "Hammer of Glory" to kick off the event Friday night. He used it to open a keg [of] Philadelphia-brewed Yards ESA. Earlier Friday, the mallet was carried Olympic-torch-style through various Philadelphia neighborhoods. Hundreds of other events are planned through March 15.

Just another idiot who can't tell the difference between "drinking" and "drunk," which I'd guess says more about them than about us. Anyway...at least they spelled my name right. As of this evening, it appeared that the Chronic was the only paper that had picked up the story...guess newspaper editors aren't that stupid after all. Smarter than the editors at the AP, anyway.

Maxim on Beer: shocking

Big story of the day: Maxim published something dumb about beer, and the guys on BeerAdvocate are pissed.

Guys...this is like El Niño. Every year the major men's magazines write something about craft beer. It is almost always stupid, and some are dumber than others. This is a dumb one. This ain't news, and it's not worth getting waxed up about. Craft continues to do well. We're winning. We can relax.

Latest Obama Effect: makes wine people pee themselves

Expectations for the new President were so high during the election that he made fun of them himself: "Contrary to the rumours you have heard, I was not born in a manger," Obama said at a NY fund-raiser. "I was actually born on Krypton and sent here by my father, Jor-el, to save the planet Earth." Dunno about you, but I laughed my head off at that.

I'd like to laugh at things like this, but I can only shake my head. It's a Bill Daley story in the Chicago Tribune, "Wine suggestions for President Obama." It's full of wine folks uttering spine-tingly stuff like this:

"Mr. Obama will be a champion of wine and bring new insight to the White House," predicted Mark L. Esterman, wine buyer for Meijer, the supermarket/department store chain. He thinks Obama will present a "wine-centric image" that will go over well with foreign guests coming from areas where wine is a major part of their culture and industry.

and this:

"They're going to be a much more wine-friendly first couple than, obviously, the Bushes," said Todd Hess of H2Vino, a Chicago distributor. Just the fact the Obamas drink wine with meals gives wine a positive boost, he said.

and, God help me, this:

"For the red, I hope Mr. Obama serves a zinfandel from either Lodi or Paso Robles. Nothing in the world screams 100 percent American-made like a heady-alcohol zinfandel, complete with spice, fruit and bold flavors which are indicative of the American spirit. In regard to wine, the message should be: 'We have arrived.' "

People, people, people. Have we all forgotten this?

(Philadelphia Inquirer, taken by Sarah J. Glover)

That's the New President, campaigning at Bethlehem Brew Works, a brewpub, and drinking a Fegley's ESB. And do you want to know what's really sad about this delusion? If you do a Google Images search on "Obama Wine", this is the first picture of the man that comes up! There are no pictures of Obama drinking wine that I've seen, and the man tried to get beer to the Inauguration and was denied by security. Like to see that happen to wine. (Is it our fault that draft beer comes in things that look like really big pipe bombs?)

Look, I know Daley had a column to write, I do too sometimes. But this kind of willing suspension of disbelief stuff really makes me wonder about the people in the wine biz. Do I think Obama is going to be "a champion of" beer, or present a beer"-centric image that will go over well with foreign guests coming from areas where" beer "is a major part of their culture and industry"? Hell, no. I don't think he's going to be drinking a lot of bourbon or rye, either. I don't think the man's going to have any impact at all on the booze biz.

To expect him to suddenly embrace wine, though, when he's given no real evidence of it at all before... that's kinda psychotic. ( I notice that Tom Wark didn't partake of the Obama WineGod Kool-Aid.) Thank God for the Binny's guy at the end of the piece who mused that Obama might start state dinners with Old Style. Nice.

If that's what you buy, that's what you get

You know, I leave Portfolio and the beer coverage gets...well, you decide. Sports columnist Franz Lidz has a piece in his "The Windup" column today called Buy Me Some Peanuts and Flat Bland Beer, about "a beer-tasting tour of selected ballparks." The ballparks included Shea, Citizens, Camden Yards (do people really call it "Oriole Park"?), Wrigley, and Fenway, with a short mention of Dodger Stadium.

Now...as most of you probably know, Citizens has one of the best beer selections in MLB, and, thanks to our illustrious Don "Joe Sixpack" Russell, one of the fairest pours. We can get a great selection of local brews, fresh and solid from the tap. Which is why I was baffled to read this:

Nearer to home in Philadelphia, I cajole my oldest daughter, Gogo, into joining an expedition to Citizens Bank Park. She agrees to go if I promise to buy her a soft pretzel.The pretzel is soft and salty and soggy, like it's been soaked in a bathtub overnight. At McNally's tavern at the end of Ashburn Alley in the outfield concourse I get a Rolling Rock, which is a formidable color Gogo calls "hot yellow." I wonder for a moment what they do with the bathwater after they've soaked the pretzels. We return to our seats, where I follow up with a Coors Light, a name I've always considered a redundancy.

Buddy, buddy, buddy...it's like you planned to fail. If you're going to go to America's Best Beer-Drinking City™, what the hell are you doing ordering up the same damned beer you can get at every other park in the league? Not even Ying-a-ling? What are you doing ordering Coors Light if you look down your nose at it? If you want to get beer like that, stay home and suffer through the Mets!

I've been to Citizens a number of times and I've always been able to find a solid craft beer pretty easily. You aren't going to get them from walk-by vendors, but the guy's obviously willing to go out of his way if he braved McNally's. So how come he comes to our town and gets Coors Light? Rolling Rock? Shoulda dug deeper into the story...which would have taken all of five minutes to walk to a Brewerytown stand, order a HopDevil, and take one friggin' hop-laced sip... Ah, me.

If Lidz wants to complain about the folks who go to the ballpark and get soused on expensive, mainstream beer, okay. He does a little of that at the beginning of the piece. If he wants to look into the constant rumor that beer at ballparks is watered down, okay: again, he does look into that (and finds that it's bullshit, what a surprise), but briefly. But if he was seriously looking at finding beer choice, variety, or character at ballparks...why didn't he look further than the end of his nose?