Tuesday, April 12, 2011

I Just Had a Great Idea!

I just had the best idea for a beer festival! You know how it usually goes, right, the brewers get (okay, buy) tables, and set up their kegs and pint glasses and such, and then we buy tickets and wander around from table to table, drinking beers, which is pretty sweet, really, except there's always some dipshit who didn't read the damned memo and when they get their beer they just keep standing there in front of the table gassing with their buddies about what boring crap they've been doing in their boring stupid lives when they should be getting the hell out of the way so we can get beers, and there's a line for the bathroom, and the brewer runs out of the super-great beer just before you get there, and the hot chicks behind the table don't like you (don't like you, I mean, I don't ever have that problem because I'm old and harmless), and the band's too loud, but otherwise...it's pretty sweet, right?

But wait, but wait, but wait -- here's my great idea! Instead of tickets, WE buy a table! And we get comfy there, and we could decorate it, and bring our own chairs, and a sound system so we don't have to listen to the damned stupid band, and food we want to eat instead of more hot dogs, and have a quick getaway to the bathroom out the back, and lots of fun party stuff -- and here's the cool part -- and the brewers (or hot chicks they hire (okay, or hot-bod guys, too, for you cool womens who like good beer)) wander around and bring us beers!

They could have their kegs on like a hot-dog cart, only it would be a cold-beer cart, and they'd say, hey, man, want some of my excellent beers, and we'd say, dude, whatta you have there? and they'd say, Double IPA and Imperial Barleywine, bitch! and we'd say, yeah, fill 'er up! And then they'd fill us up and get away from the front of our damn table because brewers always read the damned memo and we'd flip our Brazilian steakhouse disk-thing to 'Full right now, come back a little later, brewer' and drink our beers and chill and love it, and eat steaks and crabcakes and salads (yeah, yeah, and some kinda soy thing too, you're such a pain in the ass), and then we'd get thirsty and realize we were out of beer, see, here's the genius -- we'd flip the disk to the side that says 'READY TO FILL, BRO!' and brewers would wheel up their slick little beer carts and service us.

I'm a genius. Someone get to work on this, it's gonna be huge.

I wrote that in three minutes. Why does it sound so much like this?

22 comments:

Rick Sellers said...

Shouldn't you be gearing up for you new job at the PR firm by now? Three minutes is three minutes when you're on the clock.

SnotSucker said...

Lol, great idea Lew. BTW, what are you drinking today? First F&S and now this!!

Nate Fochtman said...

I want to make this idea happen Lew - you are a genius! I run the craft & specialty division for Ace Distributing in York, PA - can definitely make this a reality in South Central PA if you want!

Brian Moore said...

I'm in! Sounds like a great twist.

pubcrawlin said...

Ummm...isn't this already going on and called "The Royal Stumble"? I mean, you have to be there early to get a table, and I'm not sure I've seen anyone actually decorate tables (I have seen costumes!) But there are hot chicks, hot-bod guys AND brewers there, bringing the beer to you, and the food is better than hot dogs, plus, we packed our own healthy snacks.

You're right, though. There should be more festivals like this!

Carl said...

How about we reserve a campground for a weekend, the entire place, and then the brewers could drive around in golf carts to each campsite?

Jack Curtin said...

Where in the world did you get the idea that brewers "buy" tables at beer festivals?

John Bryce said...

Like.

Bill Night said...

Great idea! It's like Beer Dim Sum, without the chicken feet.

nemsis said...

Lew, you are a brilliant man.
I couldn't resist a mention on beertaster.ca.
My only suggestion is that the brewers use those motorized refreshment carts like they have at the golf courses. It would make the rush to your table a lot more entertaining.

Lew Bryson said...

SS, I'm drinking coffee and SunDrop. I'm buzzing.

Nate: we may have something. Let me think.

Deuane, izzat you using Carolyn's account? Because this is BETTER than Royal Stumble, it's like a combo of Royal Stumble, Mardi Gras, and the best tailgating. And it wouldn't be sardined, either.

Carl...that's not bad.

Jack, I am too cynical for this fair, fair world.

So...I think we could do one hell of a charity event with this. Maybe I are a genius. And you know, if you really liked one brewer's beers, you could put money in their meter to make them stay by your table.

Maureen Ogle said...

I am seriously laughing my ass off at the moment. And it's only 6:30 in the morning! Thanks........

Steven said...

" ...for you cool womens who like good beer."

Oy.

Rick Maberry said...

Brilliant! Brilliant! Brilliant!

Will there be VIP/Conneseur tables?

Lew Bryson said...

Absolutely not: they're ALL VIP tables!

Anonymous said...

Dunno about this idea. Seems easier to me to go to the brewers I want to try than to sit around waiting for them to show up.

And I usually strategize, trying lighter flavored brews first, progressing to the bigger flavors that overpower the taste buds later.

As for the food, a great concept is the one used last weekend in Harrisburg for the Pa. Flavor Fest, with restaurants offering their grub for sampling next to the brewers. No bad hot dogs etc., lots of good choices. Chances to create your own pairings.

Mr bir said...

Thanks for the review. Wouldn’t mind attending one of these events.

Gary Gillman said...

One might argue the nub of the concept already exists, in the form of Octoberfest. The only difference is, the beer choice is from one company. (True, food and music come from the house, but I'd argue those are lesser aspects).

But like a lot of good notions, transplanting something to a different place can create something new, just as the CAMRA festival is essentially a British thing even though influenced by the German beer fest "inter alia" (e.g. trade fair).

And so, your idea would work very well just as you describe it, but as an incentive to the house to "let" the tables for free, I'd have them do the music and the food. (Or maybe offer people an option in a more secluded part of the house). And indeed come on down, breweries, send your stuff around for sale.

Sometimes a great notion. What's that brand of coffee you're drinking? :)

Gary

Joe Stange said...

It's been done and ought to be done more often.

All right, I've been a bit spoiled by Belgian festivals. Short lines and healthy 10-15cl servings, generally. As opposed to long lines and measly shot glasses and paying a lot to get in, which describes the few US festivals I've attended.

But a possible model is the Hasselt Bierweekend. Lots of long tables and plenty of volunteer waiters who fetch beers when you raise your placard in the air. You buy tokens to start and pay with those. There is a paper beer list on every table, and a blank sheet for writing down the number of the beer(s) you want. All the numbers are also posted large up on the wall, and the number comes down when the beer runs out.

It's a good festival exactly because it works well.

Lew Bryson said...

I wouldn't say it's the only difference, but in craft beer America, it is a pretty big difference! Paying for the beer -- maybe with a pre-arranged credit card tab set-up? -- is probably not a bad idea, along with a set tip percentage...but I kind of like the more free-form idea of bribing the beer cart to stick around your table with cash...
And I like the 'your own food' idea -- stolen from tailgating -- but I could see where this might get out of hand...or not. I've seen something a lot like this work, but the tables were still where the beer was. Gotta think...

It's a local roaster, One Village Coffee. Speaking of which...is Balzac's still around, over in the Distillery complex in Toronto? Love stopping in there.

Lew Bryson said...

Still not the same thing...but I'd be willing to go and look at it to be sure... The German models work, I think, because people get it, but I'm starting to see that kind of getting it occur at US events, too, like the Sly Fox goat races. Craft beer helps.

Anonymous said...

Let's up the ante and have be a camping event, like BCTC...